unraveling

As she looked out a the ocean, listening to the waves come in, watching the people walk by, she knew that there was more she wanted, than what had been. “Perhaps this is what we all want” she thought, “that pervasive, intangible something-more that is actually always just beyond the known, and unreachable but also has the power to keep us thirsting for more. “Does thirsting mean discontent?  Not necessarily.

Was this real or imagined?  Was it attainable or simply an illusion we all ended up fooling ourselves into in order to feel better? When we dare to enter the discomfort of the unknown. She knew that the answer was not to run away or deny its existence. The answer was to feel into it and trust it as an integral part of being alive.

So in the midst of recognizing there was much she simply did not know, she knew with certainty in her silent moments, that there were words in her, desiring to be shared.  She often felt surprised by how many words keep manifesting once she sat down to write. [most of it junk she was sure].

She had a theory that everything that was ever meant to be said, had been shared already by someone else ‘out there’ – and she dreaded redundancy.

She  was aware that her armature intentions would likely be dismissed in certain circles. But somehow none of it mattered.

On this day, the voice was so loud she stood up and stretched as the ocean met her.  Her desire was to finally begin writing the stories that were in her.  For no other reason, than to touch the pulse of life within her and to honor the creative impulse that allowed her to plug into the world with all that really mattered – her integrity.

And so she began, and knew that the next best steps would unravel as perfectly as every step before it.  It was simply how life worked – and she trusted it.  As she walked along the beach, she began  painting her intentions:

“I’d like to introduce you to characters I have met, loved, imagined or dabbled with over my life. I hope to leave you feeling a spark of delight, goodness, curiosity, hope, resonance and most of all love.
I dare to dream that through my words, I may leave you with even a dash of inspiration & connection — to this amazing thing we call being human. Join me on my journey… all are welcome”

Intoxicated by the scent of her childhood

On that summer day
Intoxicated by the scent of her childhood
She remembered
The frangipani blossoms on the tree in front of her
childhood home
That beautiful bungalow all wooden house
On stilts
With hammocks underneath
And the outdoor shower made of galvanized sheets placed together in a rectangle
And Next to it
…a giant old copper tub that they used to boil sugar cane juice on the plantations in the olden days, before she was born
She remembered the caterpillars
Trailing along the branches of this tree; believing in the magic they brought…
And she remembered the white gravel yard beneath heated by the sun against her toes
As she looked up toward them,
with not a care in the world but being a child…

Peaches on a Summer Day

She smiled at the memory
Of the peach stand in Georgia

And the thirst she felt
Two hours later
On the road
Somewhere south of it

And of
The way
Her lips kissed the burnt orange color
Marveling at the
dreams she drove toward
Images came so easily back then
And the juice
Leaking down
The side of her mouth
As she laughed out
with deLiGhT
Could life get any better than this moment?

she knew there will no longer
Be biting into peaches now
They must now be cut up into
little bits
since her mouth did not allow it

And she had such gratitude
That on that day, she opted to stop by the peach stand

 

 

her aunt

As she walked along
The water with her Aunt
Who used to be like her second mom when she was seventeen

Now older, and years since – on this rare meeting they went for a walk like they used to
–her aunt – so vibrant and beautiful and true still.. Ageless in her eyes.

She expressed her concerns about growing older and not really being all she’d wanted to be and not yet feeling her age, but for the grey specks in her hair… and reduced vision, as she laughed at her silly qualms.

And her aunt looked an her and said …
“ I know right ! – it’s like our bodies age, but our minds remain youthful”

And the woman who still felt like a girl thought – how perfect this moment is – a forever connection to circle of life things. I am so thankful for you, who helped me be who I am. I am glad I still see that love in your presence. It comforts me… more than you would ever know.

I am what I am and I am so enough. Thank you for reminding me of this. Thank you for your place in my life and for existing. My past and present interwoven.