“Take it all back to have you”….

The man entered the lobby of the hotel…
outside of his office..
swerving his arms dancing as if he was an eagle..
gliding

joy on his face
it was four days before Christmas.
I stayed there overnight in a random town close to Detroit
on my way to Toronto.

I heard the catchy tune of the banjo in the background….
as he mouthed..
to no one in particular..
“take it all back, take it all back… take it all back to have you…”.

I felt his joy.
exuberant.
loving.
delight.

I thought it was a new Christmas song out that I had not heard.
I left to continue my road trip…..
with many stories behind each stop.. (for another time)
as I encircled lake Erie..
at the dawn of the winter Hurricane.

Weeks later,
waiting in line at a coffee shop
In a place very far away…
the radio plays…
“take it all back, take it all back… take it all back to have you…”.

and I see the swirling man
again in my mind’s eye
as if he was transported there

I feel the smile inside out
at the circle of life things
that make it all worthwhile.

Days later I am reminded of the connection

I then listen to the song in full
and feel such resonance
for the melody as millions of others had
behind the sparks of divinity and love
that created it…

and I know without a doubt
that every expression
of yours and of mine…

— as an instrument of the infinite

of the … most high love
and joy
and grace and beauty and kindness…
manifest on this world…

You matter. It matters.
your raw unfiltered creative expressions matters

the ones that require no polishing in its beauty — matters

your stamp on the world matters.

your courage matters.

your vulnerability matters.

they say we are all ‘god having a human experience’.
moments like these
make a believer of me…

xoxo

renewal

 

She observed the waves
coming ashore
kissing the sand
which then melts into it

eroding, destroying
sculpting
re-positioning

the relationship to
the shoreline
being destroyed
to be recreated

It was inevitable.

she welcomed
all of it.

knowing the edge
was meant
to cut apart
to what was real

she welcomed
solitude

-unraveling

About making mistakes / L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

“Anne: But have you ever noticed one encouraging thing about me, Marilla? I never make the same mistake twice.

Marilla: I don’t know as that’s much benefit when you’re always making new ones.”

— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables


Anne was my childhood muse, inspiration, heroine and fed my potential.  She allowed me to dream big and own my differences.  I was a very contemplative, spiritual, studious girl, who had a rich inner world and wanted to ‘be free’to not meet traditional expectations — for instance — to be single instead of marrying young, to study in a different place with new people, places and things. To leave my safety net and live on the edge of my own understanding.  To explore diverse ideas and self expressions.  I spent twenty two years of my life in NYC doing just that .  I failed and succeeded, learned and loved, and rose out of ashes and dust when it was necessary; as my heart broke open several times and reformed itself into the mosaic it is.

Lately I remind myself that these my life is not yet over.  Each new mistake or failure is just a version of an evolving thing.  I want to be present enough, mindful enough, — to live so many more stories. My inner Anne is still with me.

completing me…

“I don’t need you to complete me” –she said with great frustration
No need to be so strong all the time
– I want you to partner with me!
And we can figure out the rest
Imperfections and all
You are in love with me, I am in love with you…
With love
All things are possible.
Don’t you believe that?”

“I lost my faith” – he said

“Well, you are in luck.” she smiled
“I will have enough faith for the both of us; After all
– that is what partnership is about, isn’t it?
Our broken parts just fit together, like a mosaic
Our strengths and weaknesses complement each other…

All I ask is you have the courage to let me in
Let me in my love to the place where we already existed”