to marvel at
What’s your thing? – She asked them — curiously…
“Anne: But have you ever noticed one encouraging thing about me, Marilla? I never make the same mistake twice.
Marilla: I don’t know as that’s much benefit when you’re always making new ones.”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
Anne was my childhood muse, inspiration, heroine and fed my potential. She allowed me to dream big and own my differences. I was a very contemplative, spiritual, studious girl, who had a rich inner world and wanted to ‘be free’to not meet traditional expectations — for instance — to be single instead of marrying young, to study in a different place with new people, places and things. To leave my safety net and live on the edge of my own understanding. To explore diverse ideas and self expressions. I spent twenty two years of my life in NYC doing just that . I failed and succeeded, learned and loved, and rose out of ashes and dust when it was necessary; as my heart broke open several times and reformed itself into the mosaic it is.
Lately I remind myself that these my life is not yet over. Each new mistake or failure is just a version of an evolving thing. I want to be present enough, mindful enough, — to live so many more stories. My inner Anne is still with me.
“I don’t need you to complete me” –she said with great frustration
No need to be so strong all the time
– I want you to partner with me!
And we can figure out the rest
Imperfections and all
You are in love with me, I am in love with you…
All things are possible.
Don’t you believe that?”
“I lost my faith” – he said
“Well, you are in luck.” she smiled
“I will have enough faith for the both of us; After all
– that is what partnership is about, isn’t it?
Our broken parts just fit together, like a mosaic
Our strengths and weaknesses complement each other…
All I ask is you have the courage to let me in
Let me in my love to the place where we already existed”
“nothing mattered but the desperation in their silence, waiting to be heard”
Why is desperation such a dirty word?
When it is just a raw place from which life can evolve again? –Perhaps even better than it was before
They all pondered and looked confused
Words can be so trying
That’s why there is just silence
She loved the way her pearly white
snuggled against his alabaster thigh
As they intersected on the sofa on Sunday
Flipping through the New York Times
A week of travel
The scent of coffee in the background
The real kind…
Twinkle in his eyes
She was safe
As she walked along
The water with her Aunt
Who used to be like her second mom when she was seventeen
Now older, and years since – on this rare meeting they went for a walk like they used to
–her aunt – so vibrant and beautiful and true still.. Ageless in her eyes.
She expressed her concerns about growing older and not really being all she’d wanted to be and not yet feeling her age, but for the grey specks in her hair… and reduced vision, as she laughed at her silly qualms.
And her aunt looked an her and said …
“ I know right ! – it’s like our bodies age, but our minds remain youthful”
And the woman who still felt like a girl thought – how perfect this moment is – a forever connection to circle of life things. I am so thankful for you, who helped me be who I am. I am glad I still see that love in your presence. It comforts me… more than you would ever know.
I am what I am and I am so enough. Thank you for reminding me of this. Thank you for your place in my life and for existing. My past and present interwoven.