“nothing mattered but the desperation in their silence, waiting to be heard”
Why is desperation such a dirty word?
When it is just a raw place from which life can evolve again? –Perhaps even better than it was before
They all pondered and looked confused
Words can be so trying
That’s why there is just silence
As she walked along
The water with her Aunt
Who used to be like her second mom when she was seventeen
Now older, and years since – on this rare meeting they went for a walk like they used to
–her aunt – so vibrant and beautiful and true still.. Ageless in her eyes.
She expressed her concerns about growing older and not really being all she’d wanted to be and not yet feeling her age, but for the grey specks in her hair… and reduced vision, as she laughed at her silly qualms.
And her aunt looked an her and said …
“ I know right ! – it’s like our bodies age, but our minds remain youthful”
And the woman who still felt like a girl thought – how perfect this moment is – a forever connection to circle of life things. I am so thankful for you, who helped me be who I am. I am glad I still see that love in your presence. It comforts me… more than you would ever know.
I am what I am and I am so enough. Thank you for reminding me of this. Thank you for your place in my life and for existing. My past and present interwoven.
Where had the years gone? When would she have the body she wanted? When would they meet again? When would all the shame and worthlessness that had no origin go away? Could she have done something differently with her time? If she had to do it all over again, would she even want to do it any differently? What happened to the wonder, the hope and the boldness she used to be? Why was it all just so hard? When would the humiliation of being not enough for her unfulfilled dreams stop? Why did she feel so less-than without their approval? Why did her grey roots that began as specks of wisdom she was proud of — when she was in her early thirties become such a burden? Why did her skin feel so pervious to the very air around her? She craved protection. She craved a kind of security she was unable to assure herself of. What was happening? She felt lost and wounded. She wanted to rejuvenate. To rest. To be vibrant and thriving again.