renewal

 

She observed the waves
coming ashore
kissing the sand
which then melts into it

eroding, destroying
sculpting
re-positioning

the relationship to
the shoreline
being destroyed
to be recreated

It was inevitable.

she welcomed
all of it.

knowing the edge
was meant
to cut apart
to what was real

she welcomed
solitude

-unraveling

The girl & the woman

“Tell me about the things you know.”  said the little girl

“I know that I don’t know.” the woman smiled – not really believing the girl would understand, but not being able to help herself.

“I know.” said the little girl

“Really?”  Said the woman…

“Yes. You are wise.” said the little girl.  Looking like an old soul in her slight form.  She pondered some more then said..

“I want to be like you when I grow up”

Intoxicated by the scent of her childhood

On that summer day
Intoxicated by the scent of her childhood
She remembered
The frangipani blossoms on the tree in front of her
childhood home
That beautiful bungalow all wooden house
On stilts
With hammocks underneath
And the outdoor shower made of galvanized sheets placed together in a rectangle
And Next to it
…a giant old copper tub that they used to boil sugar cane juice on the plantations in the olden days, before she was born
She remembered the caterpillars
Trailing along the branches of this tree; believing in the magic they brought…
And she remembered the white gravel yard beneath heated by the sun against her toes
As she looked up toward them,
with not a care in the world but being a child…

About making mistakes / L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

“Anne: But have you ever noticed one encouraging thing about me, Marilla? I never make the same mistake twice.

Marilla: I don’t know as that’s much benefit when you’re always making new ones.”

— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables


Anne was my childhood muse, inspiration, heroine and fed my potential.  She allowed me to dream big and own my differences.  I was a very contemplative, spiritual, studious girl, who had a rich inner world and wanted to ‘be free’to not meet traditional expectations — for instance — to be single instead of marrying young, to study in a different place with new people, places and things. To leave my safety net and live on the edge of my own understanding.  To explore diverse ideas and self expressions.  I spent twenty two years of my life in NYC doing just that .  I failed and succeeded, learned and loved, and rose out of ashes and dust when it was necessary; as my heart broke open several times and reformed itself into the mosaic it is.

Lately I remind myself that these my life is not yet over.  Each new mistake or failure is just a version of an evolving thing.  I want to be present enough, mindful enough, — to live so many more stories. My inner Anne is still with me.